- Do people use baby car-seats as swings
- Do people wear plaid, floral, polka dot and striped patterns in the same outfit
- Do families decorate their kitchens with banners made of shredded garbage
- Do children carry bush knives (aka machetes) to school (as early at 5 year old)
- Is sleeping until 6:30a considered sleeping late
- Are leaves used as tupperware, plastic bags, etc.
- Do people wear t-shirts with obscene sayings but don't know what it means
- Men carry satchels with Japanese Animation on them
- Are leaft bug and crickets eaten for dinner
- Do people eat dgo because the meat can cure sore joints
- Do people but baby powder on everyone to show they attended a celebration
- Are old school assignments and exams used as toilet paper
- Does everything start 2-3 hours later than expected
- Are ringtones used as the radio
- Is 70 degrees considered cold and requires hat and/or gloves
- Are ears and hair used to hold money
- Do men rub their bellies and chest while talking to anyone and everyone
- Do people pick their nose while holding a conversation with you
- Do students/teachers lie about a death in the family just to get an excused absences (seriously how many grandmas/pas does one person have)
- Do people run a marathon either barefoot or in socks
- Do people attend church because there's nothing else to do
- Do bicyclists apologize "sori sista" after stoning your dog because he chased them down the road
PCVs in Vanuatu are blessed to live in a country that’s the closest thing to Paradise or is it the Garden of Eden? Whichever; however, that’s not to say there are not some days that we find ourselves in situations aka sh** that you have to see or live through to believe. We wanted to share some one of our most recent experiences with you and hope you get a good laugh and sometimes while sitting together enjoying some wine we flashback and LOL remembering when…..
….Sh** Yu Wud Not Believe Happens in Vanuatu - Story #1
Alexia, Kalli and I were poolside at Sebel aka The Grand Hotel enjoying Happy Hour cocktails when a random man (we’ll call him Random Man aka Man Tanna in this story) walks over to us and hands Kalli a napkin-shaped rose and walks away. Aww! Romantic, no?! It gets better keep reading. Kalli thanks him; he walks away, we giggle and keep storian. Afta, Kalli leaves to watch the Friday night movie at Nambawan Cafe and Alexia and I continue to chat with drinks in hand. 20 minutes later Random Man walks up to us again and ask for Kalli. Persistent little bugger! When we explain that’s she's gone he says, “Really, that was my best work" meaning the napkin rose was his best work…artistically? Pick-up maneuver wise? Mi no save stret.
Despite the love his life (Kalli) running off to watch a movie and not sitting around in awe over his napkin-shaped rose, Random Man sticks around to chat with Alexi and I. Turns out he's a bigfala somebody. He has an “air of importance” about him. We didn’t see how important he was passed his bloodshot eyes and aggressive demeanor (not scary aggressive, but full of himself aggressive) but he insisted that he did in fact have “an air of importance”. Apparently, he missed the memo on people who are important don't walk around telling others that they are important. Random Man needs a a shot of Humble with his Jim Bean and Coke. Needless to say, he is doing some good work in Vanuatu working with and helping to develop the youth of this country and it was interesting to hear him talk about his plans.
Fast forward 45 minutes later (where he mostly spoke about himself), 2 free drinks and a plate of free h'ordeuvres and guess who shows up!? If you guessed, the WIFEY, you just won a basket of nada (congrats!). As he’s chatting about himself, explaining he’s Man Tanna (meaning he's original from the island of Tanna), been in Vila for 5 years blah, blah, blah out comes a fatfat woman with an air of anger about her. She steps up to Man Tanna and starts asking him “Where have you been?” and continues to share with all of us at the table that she left him at this very hotel “last night at 2 in the morning” and he was “suppose to be home by 3 am”, but had “not been home all day.” Nor did he go to work and she’d been “running around town looking” for him. In the middle of her interrogation she looks at Alexia and I and says “This is my husband!” with a look of “don’t get it twisted” in her eyes. She goes on to express that Man Tanna should be at a fundraiser that he organized and everyone including his parents were waiting for him.
Now, at this point any man with some degree dignity and self-respect would (a) be embarrassed smol and (b) attempt to defuse the situation by walking away with his wife to talk in private. But no! Not Man Tanna! This fool continues to sit with us nonchalantly (we believe he was trying to look flas (cool) in front of us) and begins to tell his wife, who looks like she’s not slept and is using every ounce of energy to maintain her composure, to “come sit down, babe, have a drink, join us.” I gotta give it to the wife she was calm and collected despite steam coming out of her ears. Not once did she raise her voice and thankfully nor did she verbally attack Alexia and I for finding us having drinks with her hubby. We were innocent bystanders! By this point Alexia turns to me and mouths “We should go.” I agreed without hesitation. We walked up the stairs to the hotel lobby. On our way up the hotel security guard asks “Evri sumting I oreat?” Obviously, this man sensed the negative energy spewing from Wifey at the bottom of the stairs. Alexia managed to quickly whisper to him “No, hemi wife blong hem! Hemi no bin lo hoas blong hem!” (No! That's his wife. He's not been home yet.) The security guards facial expression said it all and he immediately walked downstairs to “secure” the area. Once in the hotel lobby Alexia chugged her remaining gin and tonic while the wave of shock and disbelief at what just happened dissipated.
Afta, we walked to the Mama’s Market while remarking on what an a**hole Man Tanna was. Unfortunately, he lives up to the negative stereo-types all Man Tanna have (womanizers) and it’s a damn shame. In the end, although I felt sorry for the wife, this was the first time we experienced this type of situation and we had a good laugh at the expense of Man Tanna who most likely got his butt whup by his wife once we left. Or atleast I hope he did.
No comments:
Post a Comment